J.J. Watt’s pectoral injury marked the end of his yearly pilgrimage to the Injured Reserve List. Though he insisted that the injury was nothing more than an occupational hazard, the Texans Medical staff was unconvinced. After a series of rigorous tests, the team’s lead physician, Dr. Walter Lowe, confirmed that J.J. Watt is made of paper mache.
“Mr. Watt’s body appears to possess the structural integrity of a soup sandwich. I know that sounds mean but it’s true. I tried to give the guy a comforting pat on the back after I showed him the x-rays and I broke his right shoulder… Yeah, it’s that bad.”
When news of Watt’s unique physical makeup reached his teammates, they were relieved to finally be made aware of the superstar’s true form. At press time, Deshaun Watson spoke on the subject.
“It’s great to see such a diverse group of people representing this league. J.J. will serve as a great role model for any pinata who has dreams of making it in the NFL.”
Despite this major setback, Watt remains optimistic about his future with the Texans. Since his injury, he has been offered endorsement deals from Hoveround, AARP Medical Insurance and Party City.