Jan 18, 2020

Trump Wonders If Astros Stole His Signs Amid Sign-Stealing Investigation

What's been a crazy month for the Trump administration just got a heck of a lot more chaotic this morning. After dealing with:

  1. Sending an airstrike and killing Iran's Top General, Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani.
  2. Having Iranian missile attacks launched on two Iraqi bases housing American troops.
  3. The Iranian government admitting to accidentally shooting down a Ukrainian jetliner.

Trump now has to come to grips with the fact that the Houston Astros may have stolen 2020 Presidential Election signs right out from under his nose, a Class D Felony in all 50 states, with potentially fatal consequences.

Detectives on the case believe Astros Second Baseman and 6-time MLB All Star Jose Altuve may have hidden a 'Blueprint' to the master sign-stealing plan under his jersey during Game 6 of the 2019 ALCS, explaining his reluctance to having teammates rip off his jersey after a walk-off homerun.

"I have highly trained private investigators on the case, and I can say without a doubt that we will find and punish the perpetrators with fire and fury," Trump pointed his finger in the sky with deafening attitude. "Thus far, we've come to find that there are two prime suspects: One being the members of the Houston Astros organization, and 2 being members of the Fake News Media."

We've yet to go to the Astros for comment, but something tells us they've got their hands full with all of the buzz around them.

Main Image Via: People Magazine