Oct 30, 2019

Tigers at Cincinnati Zoo Request Bengals Change Team Name to Cincinnati 'Pussies'

When interviewing the stately bengal Dante at the Cincinnati Zoo, reporters found that the majestic creature clearly wasn’t happy with the Bengal's 0 and 8 start. The typically aggressive beast was beside himself in frustration, and was mumbling from his man made cave, "Hell, I can accidentally win one game by myself." 

It took 2 raw ribeyes and some coleslaw to keep him from biting reporters.

"I only have one thing to say" the beast snarled at reporters while pacing back-and-forth.

"This is so embarrassing, we are the only predatory team that hasn’t won a game this season. The Lions and Panthers both pulled a couple out, why not us? The team should do us all a favor and change their name to the Cincinnati Pussies.”

Dante was starting to scare the media members crowded around him. 

“And the Panther’s Quarterback has only started 7 games, EVER,” Dante looked over to his buddy Roger (a large male bengal himself) who appeared out of the darkness of the cave. “I keep hearing all this ‘Tank For Tua’ business. Maybe he can make a difference for ole fire-crotch Andy Dalton, huh? Thank god they benched him.” Dante licked his chops. 

Roger made his way over to Dante and stood beside him. It was apparent that they were hungry. “The front office never should have rid of Marvin Lewis. Those fools,” Dante snarled as he sharpened his claws on the stone interior of the cave. “And if you think for a second that AJ Green’s injury history will change some time soon, you’re out of your FUCKING mind. I guess we’re all going to ignore that Joe Mixon hits women too. Well we'll show you.” 

Roger and Dante proceeded to eat every last member of the media, skin and bone, without an ounce of remorse. 

The city of Cincinnati is seriously considering changing the team’s name in response to the horrific incident, which is being hailed as the “Cincinnati Pussy Massacre”. 


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Main Image Via: https://www.bengals.com/fans/promotions/adopt
Thumbnail Via: Washburnreview.org