Nov 3, 2019
 in 
The Other Sports

Zero Fucks Given After Arena Football Suspends Operations

Sports fans nationwide gave exactly zero fucks when the Arena Football League announced that it was suspending all operations on Tuesday. Our dedicated team of reporters searched far and wide, determined to find someone who gave a shit about the league. Unfortunately, our efforts were fruitless and we were forced to pay $50 to anyone who would simulate concern over the league’s decision to close its doors. 

“ That’s a real shame. Those tickets make great bookmarks.” 

- Jared B.

Watches the Superbowl for the commercials. 

It’s gonna be tough finding another channel to flip to when the Rachel Ray reruns go to commercial.”

- Sharon H.

Likes cooking.

“ I sat on the remote one time and I caught about three seconds of a game but I got bored and switched back to curling.

- Dave C.

Needs a job.

“It’s always rough seeing teams go under but hopefully the four people who watched the games will make the move over to the NFL.”

Roger G.

Struggling Businessman.

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Thumbnail Via Frank Jansky
Main Image Via The Columbus Dispatch