Feb 1, 2020

Patrick Mahomes Spotted In Miami Early To Spend Less Time With Annoying Girlfriend

Chiefs star Quarterback and defending NFL MVP, Patrick Mahomes was spotted checking into a Courtyard Marriott in Miami a couple of weeks ago, presumably in preparation for Super Bowl 54. However, our sources later found that his early arrival was simply an attempt to avoid his "annoying" girlfriend, Brittany. Brittany Matthews, went viral after both the AFC Divisional round and the AFC Championship, accumulating millions of views across all social media platforms screaming and cheering for her future hubby, but apparently he's gone to great lengths to avoid her since.

We were able to stop the ketchup loving quarterback and ask him why he was in Miami so early.

“Because Brittany is so annoying! Like, I get her and my family a luxury box every game. Everyone is within earshot, there’s no need to scream and cheer after every play. I’ve heard that she screams even if I just hand the ball off. It’s not just me who’s bothered either. I won’t say any names, but my parents have also complained about her raucousness during games.” He looked flustered. “To be honest the whole reason I played football in high school and college was to get away from her for a few hours at a time."

We asked teammates if they knew or had heard anything, and the message was pretty clear. Defensive star, Safety Tyrann Mathieu, recalls seeing her at every practice this year:

“She was always in red and yellow war paint, screaming, cursing, and drinking…. at practice, the media was more focused on her than the team, and did I mention it was *just* her and 3 media members? That was around the time I saw Patrick starting to get annoyed with her." He stopped to think carefully about what he was going to say. "The advice I gave him was just... to take as many days as you can to yourself bro, it’s not worth being in the next Netflix documentary.”

Tight End Travis Kelce weighed in on the situation,

"I've never seen such fire from a spouse on the team. She's ruthless." He looked quite dazed. "In the AFC Championship game against the Titans, I witnessed her get in the face of two elderly Tennessee fans. They had to have been late seventies too. Her and her friends were playing 'keep away' with the poor old man's pretzel and ginger-ale. I was genuinely scared he was going to die from annoyance."

Kelce looked around with a frightened expression. "Is... she listening? Right now?..." His face became pale as he looked around for her. He started to sniff as if he'd picked up her scent. "Sometimes she lurks in dark corridors in the workout facility. I swear she always knows when we're talking about her."

Brittany suddenly pulled up in a conspicuous, lifted, lime Hummer. She got out of the car, handed her keys to the Valet, and glanced over as she walked past.

"Those cars are discontinued," Kelce said with an uneasy tone. "No one drives them... and the color is so loud. Someone has to stop this before it's too late." He didn't say another word, and quietly retreated to the complimentary breakfast line.

Want to look fresh after the Super Bowl? Here's the perfect condiment to add to your apparel game. The Niners better "Ketchup"!

Thumbnail Via: Indiana Gazette