Oct 28, 2019

Nationals Request Presidential Pardon Following Game 5 Loss

The sputtering Nationals appear laughably desperate for redemption. According to sources, Manager Dave Martinez used the dugout phone to reach President Trump’s personal cell phone during the seventh inning stretch. After doing so, he begged  for a presidential pardon following the team’s embarrassing three game losing skid. 

Despite Martinez’s best efforts, the Commander In Chief denied the foolish request and politely explained that the country has far more urgent matters to attend to.

“The Colorado border is more vulnerable than ever before… believe me… I can’t be wasting time with pardons while the good people of Colorado are unprotected… Plus, I’ve got an early tee time tomorrow and that paperwork is a bitch.”

The President regrets he is unable to save the Nationals from their inevitable collapse, but he did promise an exquisite dinner of beans and franks to whichever team visits the White House this offseason.


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Main Image Via: Chris Kleponis - New York Post