By: Matt Keohan
Criticism continues to rain down on Oklahoma State head coach Mike Gundy for his affiliation to far-right extremism after photos of him donning a One America News Network t-shirt caused his top players to mutinize against the veteran coach.
The uprising was orchestrated by OSU running back and Heisman hopeful Chuba Hubbard, who took to Twitter to express disappointment in his coach:
“I was truly saddened to learn that a mulleted Baby Boomer who was born and raised in Oklahoma and recently referred to COVID-19 as the ‘Chinese virus’ holds insensitive viewpoints.”
Gundy subsequently issued a response through the university claiming that he can’t be racist since he pays his black players too. This revelation only heightened scrutiny of Oklahoma State football culture and forced the 15-year head coach into a room full of reporters Tuesday.
As the controversial coach was peppered with questions at the podium, he remained stone-faced before turning his back to the reporters to showcase the 9-inch beaver pellet attached to his neck which had miraculously grown a mouth but hadn’t yet developed a complete set of teeth.
“Explain yourself, Sentient Mullet!,” a reporter yelled from the back of the room.
“When was your last bath?” another shouted before dry-heaving over a nearby trash can.
“I am ready to accept all punishments for my transgressions,” began the mullet to a sigh of relief from the room, “…once Hillary is locked up for hers!”
The room filled with a jumbled commotion as Gundy and his flowing follicles walked out of the room and into the getaway car of Ray Ciccarelli, the little-known NASCAR driver who recently quit the sport due to the company’s ban of the Confederate flag.
We have since reached out to Gundy by phone multiple times for comment but his assistant claims reception is spotty at Trump rallies.