I wanted to thank you for giving me that BS offsides call against the Chiefs a little early last year. That was a close one, huh? I know you’re really busy but I just wanted to take some time to ask for a couple things this Christmas.
Me and the guys really want to get new video cameras for our scouts this year. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something to use on the other team’s sideline. If you can’t find a good camera, a drone would work too. It would be a real shame if you decided to put David Mondillo on the naughty list this year, he was only doing his job, but I would totally understand.
I promise I’ll be extra extra good if you get me a new kicker. Apparently, there are these new kickers who actually make field goals! Isn’t that awesome?
More than anything though, I could really use some pocket protection and maybe even a few receivers who can get a little separation. All the other quarterbacks have them and I would really like to join in the fun. I know it sounds like I’m asking for a lot but I can only throw the ball to Julian so many times before the defenses start catching on.
I really need you to convince Gronk to come out of retirement. He keeps telling me he’s “busy” but we both know that’s a lie. Finally, please, please PLEASE ask Antonio to stop blowing up my twitter feed. I was flattered at first but it’s starting to get a little weird. Especially after he refused to play for us unless I’d kiss him on the mouth. I already do that enough to my sons.
Thank you so much for reading my Christmas list. I’ll be sure to leave a protein shake and a copy of The TB12 Method by the fireplace for you.