An alarming scandal erupted in the bobsledding community earlier this morning after it was revealed that during the pre-qualifying time trials in Sarajevo, Bosnia, the Jamaican team had allegedly been weighing down the front of their sled with ten pounds of marijuana. The high quality strain known as “John’s Candy” was stuffed in the front of the sled in order to increase their speed on the course.
Their coach, who looked very similar to Uncle Buck, was outraged. “It’s a god damn bobsled team from Jamaica!” he shrieked. The apparent Uncle Buck impersonator (characterized as being a “hot head”), was ripping from a joint as he told a reporter,
“They had no chance at qualifying. So yes, I put some of my personal stash in the front of the sled to speed them up a bit. It’s just a little pot, and this isn’t like the last time. This shit is legal down here now!”