KANSAS CITY – After months of agonizing stress of living life as the “Madden Cover” athlete, reigning league-MVP Patrick Mahomes announced that he turned the tables on the retired 83-year old football commentator by revealing the biggest key to recovering from a midseason knee injury was 'reversing the curse' on John Madden.
“I just thought the man had gone too far when he caused my knee to buckle and nearly end my season. I decided to take matters into my own hands and visit a witch doctor to figure out how I could arrange a curse on John Madden. Just to see how he likes it for a change,” the electric star quarterback said following a 35-24 victory over the Tennessee Titans in the AFC Championship.
The “Madden Curse” has long had a reputation of causing unforeseen injuries and other acts of randomness that seemingly destruct players careers the moment they grace the cover.
“I mean, just look at Antonio Brown. He was perfectly normal before that cover, now the man has this bizarre Hulk Hogan looking beard while he’s yelling at cops and pigeons and other random objects. Peyton Hillis? Is he even alive anymore? Has anyone bothered to check? Gronk had to retire because of John’s recklessness. Odell Beckham got traded to Cleveland. I mean.. think about that. CLEVELAND! No one deserves that. I had to do something,” Mahomes continued.
He didn’t want to reveal too much of how he has cursed the legendary commentator, only that the voodoo doll seems to be working just as intended.
“You see right here, the next time Mr. Madden goes to a nearby Outback Steakhouse or an ACE Hardware Store, he’s going to feel a ‘BOOM!’ and maybe a ‘WHAM!’ because of this needle that I’ve placed right over there,” an eager Mahomes demonstrated on his telestrator. “And this needle right here makes one of my State Farm ads air on a 24-hour loop without any stopping of it. That’s what I’m most proud about to be perfectly honest with you.”
John Madden was unavailable for comment, due to unexpected soreness in his right knee that he was getting looked at by a nearby physician.