Nov 28, 2019

Aaron Rodgers Deemed More Disappointing Than Brother Jordan At Family Thanksgiving

Tensions were high in the Rodgers household today as brothers Aaron and Jordan fought tooth and nail for the last seat at the adult table, mere moments before the turkey was served. Jordan has been on thin ice ever since his hit HGTV show, Cash Pad, showed a significant decline in popularity over the last three months. Likewise, Aaron is coming off one of the worst performances of his career on Monday night against the 49ers. However, after a heated debate, the family unanimously deemed Aaron more disappointing than his brother Jordan. 

The unfavorable ruling landed Aaron at the kid’s table throughout dinner and resulted in a smaller piece of pumpkin pie without the privilege of whipped cream. A confident Jordan took to twitter immediately following  his narrow victory. 

“Sure, my ratings are down, and yeah, my profit margins have suffered a little but they’re still more consistent than Aar-bear’s offense on Monday. #whatadingus #nopackno” 

The crestfallen quarterback immediately fired back at his brother while harshly condemning the family’s voting system. 

“It’s such bullshit, everyone voted for Jordan because they knew if they did he’d probably remodel their house for free,” Rodgers flurry of tweets started getting increasingly personal, “Just saw Jordan giving extra pieces of pie to our nieces after their mothers said no more sweets. #fuckthisguy”

Aaron became even more incredulous when he learned that actress,  Olivia Munn, was afforded the right to vote on the matter despite the fact that she and Aaron split up in 2017. 

When tensions eased, Aaron’s longtime girlfriend, Danica Patrick explained her decision to vote against her pathetic partner. 

“I know Aaron has had a good career but let’s face it. The guy you saw on Monday night was not the same guy I fell in love with. He better get his shit together or he’s gonna be a regular at the kiddie table.” 

Sources are hearing that Rodgers ended Thanksgiving day playing "Fortnite", "Bop It", and making TikTok videos with his baby cousins to avoid awkward conversation with adult relatives.

Thumbnail Via: Clutchpoints
Main Image Via: Chris Keane/Associated Press